Sit in contemplation of things to come. A call, a memory and an expression of love in the form of grief. You are my sunshine but I’m not yours. That was Aaron whom I ask to come for you when you are no longer breathing. I tell you “ Marilynn you’ve taken me on one helluva ride 100% “ No longer in the drivers seat you are now my captive audience but I chose to follow your lead. The map of denial initially with glimpses of acceptance still lies on the other side of the page.

I love that you said the dash between your birth and death is your life. The obituary reads the same. I immerse my self in movies like Starman and Ordinary People as I watch you doze off then wake up saying you can’t breathe. I breathe deeply for the both of us . Heavy sighs that fill the air with sadness like no other because you are my longest primary relationship. What now? I begin to understand how important it is to have glimpses of what used to be. Those grains of time as powerful as atoms and you were there for me and sometimes you had to do what was necessary to make it work. I understand all of who you are and some of the pain you felt. I must share you with those above, especially Aaron and Marlene . I love you forever

I went with the gang

Taking one bus with 41 stops to a public bath hot springs. Greeted by “ don’t speak English “ I point pay and pray. Immediately greeted with nakedness. Imperfectly perfect bodies like mine with scars but in different places. I break the first cardinal rule. The loudmouth leader tells me to shower first and then two gals sit me down wrap my hair and place a shower cap on. Hand gestures and voices guide me into the hotter bath. 45 C and I realize this soak is for the pros. The last hot springs spa I went to here had lacquered teak decking, walnut wood from floor to ceiling, large canvas umbrellas and rich foreigners. I soak in the 40 C with a ph that stings your eyes. Ironically the loudmouth looked out for me and sent her ladies of leisure to tell me to sit out and drink spring water. I complied and closed my eyes to hear the humming of fans above the din. One of the gals had a plastic “slapper ” she used frequently “ slap slap slap against newly dilated skin tissue. I mimicked the slaps and then next thing you know “whack” whack on my back. It felt good. I could feel eyes upon me and it’s been confirmed because I’m asked to go back in the water. I feel insignificant in the best way but also brave by walking in to a place, where my friend says “ they spit over the side and talk shit about your body”. I know they got a kick out of the foreigner just as I did by the way they treated me. These bathing beauties are benevolent. Phonetically speaking I said “ Bahng bahng ma xie xie, got dressed and left. Oh em gee. You are right Cynthia.

Happy New Year Everybody. In Chinese astrology It is The Year of the Rabbit, which is apropos to all things desert including a hare or two. I will continue to create what is fun magical and somewhat sustainable out here in San Bernardino county. The list is short but extensive. I desire an amphitheater, race track and batting cage. I want to have rock band playing from day to night and be able to sway off highway vehicle enthusiasts to stay on site during King of Hammers as an alternative to Hammer Town. Translucent canopies and campfires under midnight blue sky. A girl can dream, 2023 is for you and Me!

Bonaire Aruba and Curaçao are the ports of call on a poker cruise. Islands on the tip of South America, just enough to confuse me. I was here 20 years ago and Aruba’s gone high end. All the best boyfriends are here. Louis V. and Michael Kors. More buildings and hotels. Didn’t meet any locals to ask if everyone is still speaking Papiamentu? Is the desalination plant still working?. Bonaire is a territory of the Netherlands and the written sign at the laundromat confirms it but I also heard Spanish at the bodega. Salt beds is the natural resource of Bonaire and everything else is shipped in which explains the super high prices . 6 dollars to wash 6 bucks to dry. some say was tourist price. Ganda from Sumatra says same price in the Bahamas. The path less traveled is filled with little delights. Got caught trying to help a guy asking for a slim Jim . The convenience store clerk rendered goggle translate without luck. I said “beef stick” with a jerky pulling at teeth level gesture. Lame ethnocentrism at its best I think not but a longing homesick feel for Bubba.

In March I flew to Whitehorse to mush at Sky High Wilderness Ranch. The trip requires a timely Covid clearance coming into Whitehorse then onto the event. The owner took us to liquor store to pick up libations before heading to camp. A Propane running cabin and self starting sauna, I could hear the dogs howling and yelping from afar. After a short introduction a group was leaving and brief hello was “Goodbye’. Chewy, Zia, Dudley and Koala managed to pull me around river’s edge and windy mountains. Every day was a series of getting to know your fellow mates and guide. Having mushed before I was just as scared (the picture above is from the first time) given the experience of dogs in heat and fighting. “more like wolves” as Visa the guide explained. Harnesses lessons and a quick point to a board which listed who was skinny and who had frostbite on their you know what. Lead dog gets two bowls of meat soup that when it’s was served looks like a crime scene, as you placed it directly on the ice. What remains remarkable in my thoughts is the men and women who do the Iditarod. 938 miles and the record 8 days 3 hours 40 minutes and thirteen seconds. I saw through the window a women who came looking for her dogs. Big Denali truck with all her dogs in tow minus the ones she was looking for. Michelle Phillips is her name and she is an Iditarod participant who was introduced by a boyfriend to the sport. She is also a former figure skater. I took notice of her shape. Strong and compact she is probably one of the most bravest people I’ve never met. Our Guide Christina was similar to most people who make the Yukon their home. She did the most work, having to be our motley crew guide then at the end of the day cook for all of us. I gave her a good tip and a hug. There was a music professor, a computer geek and a newly wed couple who were teachers in B.C. And none of them drank or went to sauna after the end of each day. The last night was games and drinks and the owner had so much fun but I think he came to eat. Gary is good sport and I’d love to go back and talk to Michelle. It’s a beautiful sport and thank you Cynthia for all that you do for us.