I thought of Sir Edmond Hilary as I was huffing and puffing on a trek I had no business being on. May 29 1953 this man from New Zealand scaled Mount Everest. Such a feat granted him knighthood from the Queen. The Sherpa Tenging Norge was really the hero. I am completely exhausted never have I seen so many rocks and road apples. The French and Germans are giving me tips on how to breathe. “use your diaphragm” I wanna tell them y’all have the Alps and Pyrennes mountains. I’ve decided I’m the reluctant hiker and curse under my breath “why why? As I lie on bed of rocks ( feels like it) I feel my thigh and it’s rock hard and not because of muscle development it’s like lock jaw of the loins. It hurts to stretch. Somehow I must of romanced the hell out of this trip. And now I have a touch altitude sickness. Chest pain which feels like spasms and a gas bubble. The things you do for love. Cynthia…bite me. Zaijian.

My travel wife says “you pick”. Places on list were Morrocco and Eastern Europe. I chose Nepal from an idea that this place is magical. I will act as a traveler and conduct myself accordingly. I understand the world is becoming saturated with tourists and the locals may not state how they really feel about this commerce. So I will try not to be selfie absorbed. I was fine yesterday until an acquaintance told me that the trek is substantial and bridges with foot boards reveal crevasses with a 200 feet drop. “WHAT?”. Now it’s all I am thinking about. Called my bank and no currency exchange for Nepal rhupees. Videos on YouTube are couple years old. Here we go again. I hope I am physically prepared. Diamox for altitude sickness and water purification tabs. 26 days of trekking which is different from hiking I tell myself. I call for reassuring pep talk and she says ” we can back out” and all of a sudden I feel a warm flush like sensation and respond to her. “No we are doing this”. Again I am humbled by what lies ahead. Zaijian.

On a Tokyo subway, this picture hit me like a ton of bricks. The closeness of the couple and the silent gesture. I added my interpretation of a desire like no other. “Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve.” I want to be the person in the photo. And I am spinning in a tale of woe. I tell myself “It’s just better with butter.”. Holding hands often, laughing and taking in the small delightful feeling of the warmth of a hand placed in the small of my back. I am like a racehorse running to finish and happy to go back to my stall. I am painfully aware I am not received well by others. I say “Je veux te voir” and the subtle response caused me to look away. My intuition agrees with my sensibilities and I close the chapter to what I thought would be possible. Winner’s circle with beautiful flowers adorning my neck and the feeling of contentment.

I been to Japan few times but finally got to Tokyo without a short layover. And guess what? It’s not expensive. The limousine bus from Narita is just a bus with comfortable seating. No graffiti or trash anywhere. Note to self “there is the Park Hyatt and the Hyatt regency. I was under the impression I was going to be in the”Lost in Translation” hotel. Sky top bar, deep delicious tub and self retractable curtains. I was mildly amused when I figured I’m at the other one. Yen to USD is quick conversion in your head. 2000 yen is 18 bucks, move the decimal over to left and you’ve pretty much figured it out. Not a lot of smiling faces in the financial district but just enough at the hotel to make you feel better. Fresh young faces with their K-town hair in “di tou zuo” ,(low heads) position on the metro. Favorite snacks often is rice based:sticky and earthy. Who knew coffee “everything” reigns supreme whether it’s iced hot or concoction base they’re consuming it throughout the day. Temples are overrun by tourists and I understand it’s no longer as sacred as before. Tokyo is lush with canopy trees and a feeling of peacefulness takes you by surprise as you saunter. Dollar star is Daiso where I purchased 2 teas, fanny pack, wrist support, tweezers and water for about 5 bucks. Checking out social media sites three things stood out: cats, food presentation pictures and humor. No casino or poker rooms but I’m pretty sure there is gambling going on and I just have to find out which district. Ah let me guess ends in ku. Sayonara and Zaijian.

It’s been a blessing to visit friends on assignment in Wisconsin. I had passed through this state and now I got to visit for a bit. Fox River runs north which I am told is unusual. Lake Michigan does freeze and all kinds of fun stuff take place on the lake. Live bands perform at festivals on the ice. Perch taste better caught from cold waters. Wisconsin’s drink is the old fashion. Best ordered “sour with whiskey and olives”. You can also have it sweet with either rum or Brandy. Gas is cheap. Lawrence liberal arts college tuition is 42k. Dutch influences in the neighborhood include tulips and gnomes. Planter boxes outside the window sills. Little chute in Appleton, gets its name from the Fox River which releases water this way. Motorcycle enthusiasts and bikers alike frequently roam the highways when the weather is especially nice. Milwaukee assembly factory for Harley-Davidson may be one of the reasons. No graffiti, stray dogs or trash noted during my drives in a big ole Jeep. “We’re going to the Testicle Fest.” 5 bucks and all you can eat with a side of ranch or buffalo sauce. A gentleman I chatted with brought his own mustard. When in Rome. Ah and then there’s the cheese which can be extra squeaky. Thank you Andrea and Joey. Zaijian.

IT WAS AT LEAST 12 SEASONS SINCE I STRAPPED IN AND CARVED DOWN THE MOUNTAIN. I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE GETTING BACK ON A BIKE. AND ALTHOUGH I FELL OFF ONE OF THOSE TOO I DIDN’T FRACTURE MY WRIST.

MY SKI BUDDY EVEN WARNED ME…. BUT I OFTEN HAVE TO PROVE TO MYSELF I’M STILL BRAVE AND HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO FACE MY FEARS. NOW AS I’M OUT OF WORK AND TIME TO THINK I HAVE STOP THIS BEHAVIOR. I NEED TO LOVE MYSELF REGARDLESS. I WILL ADMIT I WILL MISS THE ADRENALINE SURGE AND ASK GOD TO FORGIVE ME.

THE MOUNTAINS HAS A LIFT FOR BOTH YOUR SPIRIT AND BODY. RIDE UP AND HIKE DOWN OR DO THE WHOLE THING. BEAR FLATS ” NO BEARS PLEASE”. EASY TRAIL MIX FOR THE FAMILY. THE PATH IS WIDE AND NOT TREACHEROUS. ASKED THAT NEXT TIME I GET INVITED TO BRUNCH AND LISTEN TO LIVE BAND. JK. ZAIJIAN.

I’VE TOLD A FEW PEOPLE “THERE’S A LOT OF POWER IN NOT CARING”. THINK ABOUT THE CONCEPT. I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ME. I DONT CARE TO LISTEN TO YOU TALK ABOUT YOURSELF INCESSANTLY. I DONT CARE IF YOU DONT LIKE TO DANCE. I DONT CARE THAT YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW ME BETTER. I DON’T CARE ABOUT UNREQUITED LOVE BECAUSE ITS PAINFUL AND INJURIOUS TO MY SENSIBILITIES. ALAS NOT CARING HAS ITS LIMITATIONS. BUT I DON’T CARE. ZAIJIAN.

The resurrection of Jesus. Opportunity to resurrect ideas, goals and relationships. But I need to do something different. To reset myself and truly appreciate at that I have and all that I am. As of late I have continue to pray for The Syrian people and for the severely mentally ill man I saw on Wilshire Blvd, who was nearly naked rifling in trash. His tattered and rip clothes representing his internal suffering. For my mother, who as a child, moved around a lot. A scared kid who had no say. A briar patch of sadness that I will hop out of. Zaijian.

AN HOUR AND SOME CHANGE NORTH OF SAN FRANCISCO, YOU’LL FIND YOURSELF IN A STORYBOOK. NATURALLY I SAY TO MYSELF “SELF YOU NEED TO LIVE HERE”. NOT MOVE BUT LIVE HERE IN THE MOMENT. SPONTANEOUSLY YOU DEEP BREATHE AND NOTICE LITTLE BLACK BIRDS WITH CARDINAL RED RACING STRIPES HANGING ONTO REEDS AND THE VINES ON THE HILLS REMINDS YOU WHERE IT ALL BEGINS. DOWNTOWN SONOMA YOU CAN CUT THE SQUARE BY WALKING THROUGH THE PARK AND BEING ON THE OTHER SIDE IN 5 MINUTES. IT’S THIS FEELING YOU TAKE WITH YOU THAT I LOVE WHICH INCLUDE A DAILY JAUNT AT A NATURE PRESERVE WHERE THOSE BIRDS SAID HELLO TO MY SOUL. THANK YOU CYNTHIA AND PETALUMA.