Have you ever been so sick that coughing caused you to throw up. I am trying to get better by hibernating. Being infirm reveals a side of ourselves that is pretty accurate. Some of us are big babies and no fun being involved with them. I learned how to be sick from my mom. She is wonderful as she hands over the Vicks 44 (original version had alcohol) and tells me or my little brother “take a swig” a swig turns out to be 2 teaspoons or 10 cc which is the desired dose anyway. And she didn’t take temps rectal or otherwise. When you kid is sick you know it. She knew when my sister was sick even when the doctors told her she wasnt. This is sad tale as my sister had a malformation of the heart, Marlene was a “blue baby” and when she cried in a slight moment her color changed. She lived for 6 months. I think about Marlene the sister I almost knew, whenever my breathing is painful. Then I think about my mom and the trouble she had growing up as a young mom with two little ones. My bio dad was in the picture but he was not dialed in like my mom. Our little joke is being sick is not a character defect it is a blessing that tells us we are vulnerable fragile little souls that require nurturing and respite. And for this I am grateful.
The Spirit
Looking at the Bright Side
The end of this year was not ideal. There is a wealthy widower who also loves Keno and plays at the same casino I live at. She tells me about markers and how often she leaves Hawaii to come to Las Vegas 10 days a month and plays 18 hours a day. She is 85 and I enjoy her company. She asked me “Do I like energy bars?” ” Well yes I do” she hands over two beautifully wrapped morsels stating they are homemade and contain macadamia nuts, dates and apricots. I was hungry and ate both. Long story short I got the runs and my back went out. I got lucky though I found some old muscle relaxers and with some scotch I was on the mend but I missed the downtown fireworks and meeting my friend Bridget who was working the strip till two am. I made myself look at the bright side since the first thing I saw on TV was yoga at three am. I then popped two more pills and next thing I saw was stretching. This year is gonna be good because in addition I dropped a twenty dollar bill and this nice gal returned it to me. I love people.
Not Missing Much.
When I returned back into the port of Los Angeles and turned my phone on I got a message to work some shifts at the Surgery center. Next day I got up early did my hair, fresh coat of make up and drove to work. I beamed as I recalled the good doctors patients and co-workers whom I enjoy spending my work day with. I was greeted by frowns and some new faces. I quickly retreated to my touchstone Antellmo who wears many hats in this little but busy surgery center. He said “welcome to hell” This is not how are remember things when I left back in April. The tone and the environment has shifted to one of unhappiness and dread. I said to myself “Give it a few days maybe its a fluke” Next day same thing. I realize that one person can be so powerful to create an atmosphere that has left me grateful for moving in a different direction. I will make the most of the carpal tunnel releases and cystoscopy procedures. One physician told me I was missed and not forgotten I told him I did a blog assignment mentioning him as the subject. We laughed. I’ll stick it out since the few peaceful people is enough for me.
But only for a few more days.
Miss-conception
Free time means two hour lunches with my mom’s friends and acquaintances. Over dessert, one piece of pie and six forks, an attractive 71 year old shares that she will be going to Mexico City to join her younger Latin boyfriend. She says she loves him and he is fond of her. While there she’ll dine, shop and get ” frisky” . I felt reassured that our life is not a bell curve but a series of peaks and valleys. I haven’t bought in to the misconception that getting older means that having relations comes to a screeching halt. I have no one to ask ( hell no I am not asking my mom TMI) and I wouldn’t ask out of respect. So imagine how refreshing I felt to hear giddiness and delightfully delicious banter about sex. Another gal who is recently widowed expressed desire to meet a man and be in love again. All these gals are seventy plus in age and they are divine. They are polished, sophisticated, and fun. But one sour patch in the bunch said “At my age, if I meet someone I’ll either be a purse or a nurse”. I want to be Diane Von Furstenberg.
Don’t Be Bold
I find pleasure in writing about life out here but last night was different. The driver looking out of window before retiring said “No” I asked what was that? “Lot lizard” some one soliciting. I felt a deep heart tug. It was very cold outside and late and I asked myself “how bad must things be that a female could muster up courage to knock on a window of someone she has never met and then proceed to be intimate with that person”. I chose not to cry but to write and tell her if I could, she doesn’t have to be so brazen and try to get her drug of choice some other way some other day. To me she is not a lot lizard. Although I can’t save you I want you to know I care. It’s in my prayers that I will ask that you’d not be so bold.
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D is for Deaf
I’m in Las Vegas for a short time. I Drop in to collect mail and get my passport. Back in 2008 I bought a condo here and called it home. I was alone and just started a job after a break up with the love of my life. It was easy to be distracted from him since moving in to a home requires work. It is here that I met M. She was walking her dog parallel to my patio and scared me. Who walks in behind someone’s house? I was upset and said “hey you scared me”. She kept walking and I thought ” what a biatche”. Second time I saw her I went up to her and said ” you scared me do you always walk this way with your dog?” She is deaf well now I feel better. She is from New York and she’s got that swag . She is also Puerto Rican which meant she was probably a good cook and loves to dance I wasn’t intimidated or reluctant to make a go at our friendship because I love people and this was no exception. Obviously our relationship has its challenges she prefers to write and I wanna tell her all the dish. Knocking on her door is out and forget about calling her. I have a few ASL (American Sign Language) moves in my arsenal having dated a law student back in the day, who was a deaf interpreter. I use the same tired old gesture and signs but she gets it and she gets me. There are things that will remain a secret like ” what’s up with having dogs that are white? ( 3 so far) and why didn’t you have any children? . I know very little about deaf culture and I was made aware of control issues between couples especially when one spouse is hearing and the other is not. When we get together it is between us and I won’t ask her hubby to interpret, He is a good guy but why take chances besides its all girl talk anyways. I hugged her and said I see you soon she says “When?” I give her that look and she understands.
Funny Things
Purchase made while stationary. Clips with magnets, can opener replacement car key, and an oil change. I walked to stores and it hit me. Being in a different kind of grind I notice so much more. I tuned into the bird music right away, the variations of cut green grass and aroma. I smiled…a lot. I found my steps dad unicycle and although I passed on it today (white pants) tomorrow let the games begin. Being out of the 8 x10 moving box temporarily is nice. Fried burritos and foods in plastic sleeves replaced with spinach flax-chia seed smoothies and Johnnie Walker Scotch neat. Went to the movies and laugh out loud because this kid ran in and out three times with such loudness that even the most mellow and tolerant of people gave a “Shh” and as the movie ended the kid jump and landed hard and immediately looked up at us. My mom said its that rebellious child in all of us that never leaves. Funny thing I had that very same thought.
West coast Dilemma,
Home for a few days, maybe ten days or three and I’m tired. Thanksgiving in Miami? Turkey with a side of South Beach sounds great but this holiday is a family holiday and I’m torn. Driver says you can stay behind and the sound of that rubs me the wrong way. Stay behind? I don’t think so. I often think I’ll miss something and obviously to go is the imperative. I choose this life for all the right reasons and coming back is kinda sad. I’m met with parking tickets (not mine) a loving mother going Suze Orman on me and a bed that is not my own. I’m not homeless but I am without a home. Leave it to Oprah to save me from the indecisiveness. I am doing the 21 day meditation series for the third time and today was Law of Attention. In essence what ever you focus on, the desired result is the outcome. So here it goes Korean Spa, a wonderful birthday with my Auntie Lover and a ” Ma I am choosing a path that serves me best.”
11 Forgotten Laws.
Everyone knows the secret. Bob Proctor wrote the much revered book and at age eighty he remains on the speaker circuit. A recent visit to see my sister lead me to review via audio and text the laws that help guide one’s life to that of abundance and harmony. Listening for 2 years my sister says she often hears new threads that speak to her. The one that spoke to me was The Law of obedience. In my simple way of thinking I initially thought you had to obey the universe. Not the case let me explain. I was a visiting RN to an elderly gentleman who lived right on the beach. This area was known to be at the mercy of the ocean during winter times. His son explained while neighbors braced their homes with sand bags and diversion tactics to minimize the damage, his dad accepted that he was no match against the inevitable. Can you imagine allowing the surf to ride in to your home from the living room all the way back to the kitchen? He sustained less damage than the rest of his fortified neighbors. The law of obedience. My interpretation is don’t push or pull, to let it be since it is already determined. The universe is in charge as they say and belied by some people I embrace this law with gratitude.
Handle This
Once you get a CB the next order of affairs is obtaining a handle. Bandit was Burt Reynolds and Snowman was the Jerry Reed character’s in the movie Smoky And The Bandit. So can you imagine how I felt when the driver said my handle should be “Hot Flash” he was all excited that he came up with that one, like he won an award or something. What is this gal to do?True I am having hot flashes but do I wanna announce that to the world. Then I thought well it’s kinda funny yet sexy at least to me. I reluctantly agreed. As a commoner is Knighted I was bestowed the handle as deemed appropriate by a old salty road dawg. I can hardly wait oh lucky me.





